Keys to A Successful First Date

FirstDateFirst dates, especially blind dates can sometimes be unnerving at best. What to say, what not to say, what to wear, where to meet, how will you recognize him or her? All these questions can add to “introduction anxiety”, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some DO’S and DON’TS that will help you make every first date a fun experience and a complete success!

DON’T be something you’re not. There might be a temptation to impress your date by “fudging” your accomplishments, qualities and appearance. This is very dangerous! If you begin with lies, when the truth is uncovered, all trust and credibility is lost.

DO be authentic. It’s a great idea to put your best foot forward, just be sure that it’s YOUR foot! If you want someone to like you for who you are, you have to know how to BE who you are. You have nothing to lose by being yourself!

DON’T dump your life story on your first date. Even if it’s a fascinating story, the first meeting is not the place. You can do a Cliff Notes-style version, but leave the details for future dates. And definitely DON’T DON’T DON’T dump your divorce or past break-up stories on your first date. This is a great way to guarantee that your first date is your last date with this person.

keep it relatively light and listen more than you talk. You can have a lively or even a deep conversation without monopolizing the time. If you start feeling like you’re doing all the talking, transition gracefully with a question such as “Have you had a similar experience?” You can’t play tennis if you keep the ball on your side of the court.

DON’T interview your date. There’s nothing worse (except divorce war stories) on a first date than feeling like you’re on a job interview.

DO come prepared with conversational questions. If you listen carefully, you can hear values and beliefs in answers to many ordinary questions. A question about the stock market situation can reveal attitudes toward money. A question about travel experiences can reveal attitudes about adventure, risk and lifestyle.

make snap judgements. It’s easy to “sum” someone up in a matter of moments, especially based on appearance. And although physical chemistry is vital to a successful relationship, don’t assume that if it’s not there in the first five minutes that it will never be there. I have many clients who found that chemistry and attraction grew as they got to know their partner.

DO be open and give each person a chance to be who they are. Treat each date like a blank etch-a-sketch and allow them to draw themselves for you.

assume that if the person isn’t “the one” that the date is a failure. That kind of tunnel vision is needy and definitely NOT attractive. If you’re only looking for “the one”, you’re missing out on a whole lot of great stuff in your life.

DO expect to learn something about yourself from every date. Someone may not be your one true love, but they may be a great business contact, a good resource, or just an interesting person to spend a bit of time with. If you go into each date with the intention of becoming a healthier, more conscious person, each date will be a complete success!

Finally, DON’T treat a date in any way that you would not want to be treated. Think back on past “disaster dates” and note what made them uncomfortable for you. DON’T be the type of person you wouldn’t want to date.

DO practice the Golden Rule. If you want to be treated with kindness, honesty and compassion, the question of your own behavior becomes a real no-brainer!

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