Most unmarried or pre-committed couples tend to describe their relationship as “committed,” which can mean very different things to each partner. What does it mean to you? What does it mean to your partner? The purpose of this questionnaire is to help you determine the status of your relationship so you can be clear and on the same page with each other.
This is a great exercise to do with your loved one. Each of you should take it separately, then compare answers. Discuss both the points of agreement and disagreement. Whatever the outcome, both of you will have much more clarity about the relationship. From there, you can determine possible next steps to move forward together or, if necessary, to part ways.
Relationship Status Quiz
______ 1. I plan on spending the rest of my life with my partner.
______ 2. I want to be married to my partner.
______ 3. I’m unsure of the future of this relationship.
______ 4. My friends think we’re a committed couple.
______ 5. My family thinks we’re a committed couple.
______ 6. I like our Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationship and am in no hurry to change that.
______ 7. My partner believes we’re committed, but I’m not there yet.
______ 8. I’m committed to our relationship, but my partner isn’t there yet.
______ 9. We have discussed our future and are on the same page about it.
______ 10. We’ve discussed commitment but haven’t done anything about it.
______ 11. We’ve taken steps towards commitment (living together, buying property,
having a child, etc) but we have no concrete plans to marry.
______ 12. We’ve taken steps towards commitment (living together, buying property,
having a child, etc) and have a plan/timeline towards commitment or marriage.
______ 13. I don’t believe in commitment and prefer to stay in the relationship as long as it works.
______ 14. My partner doesn’t believe in commitment and prefers to stay in the
relationship as long as it works.
______ 15. We have a made a formal, explicit commitment to each other privately.
______ 16. We have a made a formal, explicit commitment to each other in a ceremony
witnessed by others.
Based upon the above results I define our relationship as:
______ Committed (Lifetime partners)
______ Pre-Marital (Engaged to be married)
______ Pre-Committed (Exclusive, but not yet committed)
Note: If it’s clear you should not continue this relationship and you have any difficulty moving on, I strongly suggest showing this checklist to your best friend, close family member, therapist or religious counselor and get the support you need to be The Chooser.
What if I shouldn’t be in the relationship
Marriages/Relationships will either end in death or divorce/separation. Even picture-perfect relationships have the potential to end in the latter. It can take the smallest thing to set it off. Even seemingly innocuous mistakes, made at the worst possible moment, can undermine a lifetime of love and affection.
Unfortunately, when a marriage should end in divorce or a committed relationship should be dissolved can be a difficult thing to figure out. Emotions can cloud judgment and make it difficult to judge whether or not it should end. It may never be easy to figure out, but it is always important to know when it is time to let it end.
#1 Poor Communication Skills
You and your partner are not expected to communicate meaningfully at all times. Sometimes there’s just nothing to say about how hot it is today. Unfortunately, if you never talk about anything anymore, it may be a sign that the well has run dry and you are simply not interested in talking to him anymore.
#2 Marital Unhappiness
Rough patches will occur. Every marriage and relationship will have more than a few, especially long-term ones. However, if it gets to a point when the thought of the relationship makes you ill or uneasy, there may be a problem. This is entirely different from thinking that another marriage is healthier, though it can be related.
#3 You Feel Alone
This, by far, is one of the most obvious signs that a relationship is over. It may manifest in a number of ways, from feeling that you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship, to simply not sharing with your partner. If you rarely feel like sharing with your partner or if you feel like he or she just isn’t trying to help keep it together, your relationship may be in trouble. Your partner may also start trying to keep you away from their friends and family, which can also make you feel lonely.
#4 You Have no Interest in Improving the Relationship
On the other hand, you could be the one withdrawing from the relationship. It may seem like you just need a little space, but there is a difference between wanting a little alone time and feeling sick of trying to work on it. The key difference is interest. Wanting alone time doesn’t mean you want the relationship to end. Withdrawing means that you are no longer personally invested in the future of the relationship.
#5 You’re the Last Vine in the Grapevine
That basically means that you are the last to know anything about your partner. Hearing about things second-hand may indicate that they aren’t interested in sharing anything with you. It can get worse – you might not care that you are the last to know. Consider that you may be putting him or her in this position. If you’re not interested in sharing your joys and your triumphs with your significant other, he or she may no longer be significant in any way.
#6 Lack of Physical Intimacy
Intimacy might not be the only thing in a relationship, but it is most definitely part of a healthy one. This covers everything from hugging to sex. A partner that doesn’t feel interested in holding you or sleeping with you is a partner that will soon want out. Be aware that some people are occasionally distant. Sometimes he or she just isn’t in the mood to cuddle. It’s a sign of a problem if they never wants to touch you or if you never want to touch them.
If these signs seem severe, it is because they are exactly that. All of these signs are symptoms of a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. What is important to remember is that these symptoms can occur, but in short bursts. That’s how relationships are – there are bad days and there are good days. Your relationship is in trouble when there are never good days. Should you see a lot of these symptoms, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.